i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
