You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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