WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
