In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Randomize
