The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
