how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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