Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
