Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
