Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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