How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
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