I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
