i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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