My friends, they love my intelligence
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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