tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
