i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
kristin has been a bad kristin
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
