I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
