I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
