I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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