is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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