yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
