3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
