I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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