Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
