I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
