my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
