a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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