no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
with your own penis?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
