I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Drunk is not a location!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
