it hurts more in the daytime
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
