Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
