i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You ate ashes out of my bong
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
