i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
