Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
