do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
