i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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