I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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