Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
as a side note pls kill me
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