I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
