He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
