The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
