That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
