Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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