i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
