why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
