You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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