My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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