If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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