just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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