turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
