I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
