even my farts smell like vagina
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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