Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
