I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
