he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
