I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
